The Right Honourable Michael Gove MP
Minister For Education
House Of Commons
London
SW1P
Dear Mr Gove,
In order to engage and interest teenage boys in the learning of basic Arithmetic, may I respectfully suggest that you have to try and sell them the need and usefulness of possessing such skills. In order to do this, it's necessary to couch the "pitch" in terms that will resonate with your target group. May I suggest the following lines of argument.
Understanding all about mental arithmetic will be useful to you in life for the following reasons:
1) You will be able to keep track of the number of Baby Mommas and even the number of your children
2) A knowledge of fractions is vital in calculating weight measures of street drugs and your rate of profit
3) Instant ability when stood in the Magistrate's Dock to recalculate the prison term into the actual real length of the sentence
4) The ability to calculate how many spicy chicken wings you can afford from the 'shrapnel' in your pocket
5) Knowing how to subtract used minutes and number of texts from your monthly free allowance to know how many you have left (may not work with students who have BBM)
6) You need to be able to count up all your grudges against individuals and to keep an accurate tally of them to assist you in decision making as to the proportionate nature of your response
Yours
Right-Wing Think Tank
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