He removed the cigarette resting behind his ear and
held it to the burning tip of the one still perched between his lips until the
flame took whereupon he swapped them round and let the dog end pitch to the
ground as he moved to stamp out the embers of its life but since his attention
was given to ensuring the new smoke was securely in place his stomp missed the butt
entirely which he became acquainted with as he looked down and proceeded to pound
the feebly pluming fag end which, were his foot a hand and his shoe a knife, could
be observed to be a stabbing frenzy which utterly reflected his mood and temper
at that moment to his very fibre as his cells cried out to be nourished so that
the butt stood for his meet who was late and was being severely punished for it
under the tread of his shoe, but his fury was cut off since in his furore his
breath was so abated behind lips clamped on the new gasper to prevent it
falling out of his mouth, that the fumes backed up into his gullet and caused
him to explode in a paroxysm of coughing which sent the cigarette shooting from
his mouth like a dart from a blowpipe which doubly enraged him and saw him
unwittingly jack-knife his body as his leg continued to try and obliterate every
last trace of the first stub, while his outstretched arm strived to salvage his
newer coffin nail so that the differing pulls toppled him over on to the
pavement and knocked the wind out of him as he lay there on his stomach panting
and wheezing his wordless rage even as the tears of frustration and desperate
craving unleashed themselves from their ducts like a crack parachute division
exiting their jump plane.
“You wanna give those up, they’ll kill you” said a
man approaching him on the pavement. “Looks like you’re out of puff” as he
tossed him a little bag of powder. "That'll put the wind back in your sails".
9 comments:
I'm glad I didn't try to read that out loud or I would have been breathless indeed! Clever concept.
Wow!
Now that's a gasper!
This is absolutely outstanding Marc! I felt myself becoming more and more breathless as the pace kept going up and up and up, and that last bit is the perfect top-off. Bravo!
Heheh! Time to take on a new addiction maybe, or perhaps an anger management course. :)
I love a well-turned (almost) single-sentence story, especially one as self-referential as this.
Damn Marc. I don't think the powder will be any better for him than the cig.
Also, an excellent long single sentence! I became breathless trying to read it.
The best thing to do is read, read, read, and hope you don't have to go back over any line a second time; otherwise, you will be breathless. I thought the ending was perfect. That vice will kill, but try this one because it won't be as bad. Isn't that the way addicts think? And I agree with Steve: maybe this guy needs a little time to relax, to let it go.
I am quietly smug that I read the title and guessed how it related to the writing before reading. Certainly illustrates how punctuation (or the lack of) can make all the difference to the pacing of a bit of writing. Clever :).
Ugh, this captures "smoker's attitude" perfectly, and I love the coda at the end!
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