Your deportment plumb-line straight I note
Every detail of you traced in my mind like a line drawing
How the lines of experience crisscross your face like a delta of dried up tributaries
Your aquiline lineaments pressed, recessed and shrouded into geological strata
Parallel lines, fault lines
Hard lines on a hard life
Contour lines countenancing
A fish caught on a longline with abated breath.
Once set early in your timeline
A ton of lines given to the pipsqueak, seeking to press all rebelliousness from you like a juice reamer, until the pips squeak
Lined up outside the headmaster's office to await further correction
His three-line whip cubed as cat o'nine tails
Laying it on the line, thick with a trowel
Trying to make you toe the line
To tread the line of least resistance
A life lived by tramlines
Guidelines on a leash
The pre-written storyline awaiting your signature on the dotted line
You learned pretty fast to draw your own line in the sand, one which saline tears could not efface
Your base camp baseline
Your shored up shoreline
A line which no one could cross
Without battle lines being drawn up
Alignments, geometric and confederate
Lines of attack, lines of asymmetry
Front line salients and invulnerabilities
You hole them plumb beneath the plimsoll line with your low blows and rabbit punches
Blindsided sightlines, they wanted to believe in you
Clotted lines of command, they were desperate to follow you
Everywhere lies behind enemy lines
To all bar you, piercing clarity as to your throughline
Crystalline clear conscience
Borderline psychotic
Preternatural cunning, ley line intuitiveness
The lines you fed your allies
The consummate actor who knows his lines like the back of his hand
And the life lines on the palms to boot
Friends bought your command performance hook, line and sinker
Until you would extend them no further lines of credit
And their lifelines ran out
Over-extended supply lines
As you cut the line on them
You lined them up for execution
They withered and perished in the line of 'friendly' fire
Still crediting themselves acting in the line of duty
Corpses and carrion picked clean all along the line
Flatlined them flat broke
As you lined your pockets with dead men's silver, your neck ringed with their gold teeth
For you the bottom line is all
Somewhere along the breadline the penny dropped for these paupers
And they drew a line under their misery
Disinclining ever to become ensnared in your traplines again.
Down the abandoned line
The decline set in
As your waistline spread
Your sleek aerodynamic lines
No longer streamlined by toned sinew
As your self-discipline dissipated
Once your rush of adrenaline could no longer be maintained
Unable to bear the loadline of your thrill seeking
Putting your life on the line time after time
Nor through the lines of cocaine you snorted
The amphetamines you mainlined
Pipelined direct to your hardened heart
The sclerotic arterial lines
The body's looming deadline
Life's killer punchline
But just so we don't have our lines crossed, there can be no misunderstanding
You bust my bloodline as unforgivingly as my noose bursts the blood vessels in your face
My aborted lineage terminated by you
Ushered prematurely across the finish line into death
Now it is you I have dangling at the end of my line
Hoist on a gantline
Plunging neckline put in, rather than on the line
Gasping, hissing down your hotline to the devil
Your new line manager for eternity
He stands second in line behind me, for the defilements I will wreak
On-line with my camcorder streaming your pain to the world
Maybe a headline in tomorrow’s newspapers
Before your very permanent deadline
*
618 words, 86 lines, 85 'lines' (1 phonetic)
25 comments:
Interesting wordplay. To me it reads more like a poem than a story that seems to have been fun to write.
I thought it read like a poem as well. Interesting story"line" of a cruel person and the vengeance wrought…
Certainly more poetic and than prose-like, which is fine. My favorite part was how you played with two linked sounds in two different words in so many lines, like "the LINEs you fed your alLIEs."
very beautiful, like a love poem, but i could have done without the death at the end. Is it ok to say that?
Penny
I've never read a poem quite like this (clearly, I need to read more poems!). I liked the story you told and how you play with the words.
Wondermous wordplay, you must have had tremendous fun with this. Looking for limnline, though ;^)
I do like the ending, a finality to the circularity above. Peace...
My hat is off... Bravura wordplay. No way I could have pulled that off.
I've read this twice and could carry on all day and still find something new. It is really very good. Yes, more poem than prose, but it tells a story and is inventive and structurally intriguing. Too many good bits to single out, but I think needs to be viewed as a whole anyway to appreciate what you have built here.
Brilliant piece. Best I've read for a while. The repetition comes over like a cross between a song and a hammer. I'd love to hear this one read out.
And this one ...
"The pre-written storyline awaiting your signature on the dotted line"
- choice!
I liked the world play and the poetic feel of it all.
l Iiked the world play and the poetic feel of it all.
Must poetry and prose be mutually exclusive? I don't believe so. I too think it would be delightful to hear this read aloud.
Wow Marc, this is fantastic! I read it "poeticly" too, and it becomes more and more chilling the deeper into it we read. Outstanding work!
Damn you and your titles. I went back and tried to read literally between the 'lines' and see if there was some other hidden narritiave. Then I did it again and again with a couple different combinations...
But aside from my wanna be Davinci Code hero moment, I loved the wordplay. I admire people who can take a little thing like this and stretch and stretch it to its max.
No Michael, between the 'lines'... :-)
geometric wizardry here.. fine flow
I disagree that this is "poem-like." It stands on its own and is simply wonderful in its scope and flow. Aces.
I loved reading between these lines. The internal rhyme rock it, too.
It's amazing how many lines criss cross our language, isn't it? Very rich piece.
This is definitely one of those to be read more than once to find all the little details. Very creative.
Very skilful and cleverly done. I echo everyone else.
I do have two ideas what it is about I'd like to know if I'm close. One is the system (capitalism), the other is a war criminal. :)
Richly poetic, as always.
There is always something to learn from your work each week. This is another outrageously clever piece.
Adam B @revhappiness
Interesting poem layout and use of words - nicely done
I do love the layout of your lines. :)
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