Monday, 29 May 2017

Owed To Joy - Flash Fiction

She: You know what they say…

Chorus (sing): Oh why are we waiting? Why are we waiting?

She: Two’s company, three’s a crowd

He: Oh really?

Chorus (sing): For he’s a jolly good fellow

He: Just leave my mother out of this

Chorus (sing): Which nobody can deny

She: I wish she would flipping leave our relationship. Take her nose out of business that doesn’t concern her

Chorus (sing): Heads, shoulders, knees and toes. And penetralia

He: You’re jealous of her aren’t you?

She: What, that I can’t possibly snap the apron strings that still tie you to her? I wouldn’t apply the word ‘jealous’ as such

Chorus (sing): One for the master, one for the dame and one for the little boy who lives down the lane

He: So what word would you use?

Chorus (sing): You’re once, twice, three times a lady

She: Oedipal

Chorus (sing): They all ran after the farmer’s wife, who cut off their tails with a carving knife

He: Is that right? 

Chorus (sing): Which nobody can deny

He: Well at least I’m faithful. There’s only the two women in my life. Unlike you

Chorus (sing): Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry

She: What do you mean?

Chorus (sing): Fuck e’m all, fuck ‘em all. The long, the short and the tall

He: Do I really have to spell it out?

Chorus (sing): Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate?

He: Maybe you think being in the arms of another woman it doesn’t count as infidelity?

Chorus (sing): One two, buckle my shoe, three four shut the door, five six, pick up six, seven eight, lay them straight

She: Well maybe if I was showed some affection in my marriage, my eye wouldn’t have to rove

Chorus (sing): Show me the way to go home. I’m tired and I want to go home

He: Affection is a two-way thing you know

Chorus (sing): This little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none

He & She (to chorus): Shut the fuck up and butt out will you? (sing to chorus) You’re going home in a big white ambulance

1 comment:

Larry Kollar said...

Yeah, I could see where that chorus would get awfully annoying when you're trying to have a proper knockdown/dragout! But she has a point. The few people who have asked me what works best in a marriage, I tell them "move as far away from your in-laws and your own family as possible."