Wednesday 14 May 2014

Breathless - Friday Flash


He removed the cigarette resting behind his ear and held it to the burning tip of the one still perched between his lips until the flame took whereupon he swapped them round and let the dog end pitch to the ground as he moved to stamp out the embers of its life but since his attention was given to ensuring the new smoke was securely in place his stomp missed the butt entirely which he became acquainted with as he looked down and proceeded to pound the feebly pluming fag end which, were his foot a hand and his shoe a knife, could be observed to be a stabbing frenzy which utterly reflected his mood and temper at that moment to his very fibre as his cells cried out to be nourished so that the butt stood for his meet who was late and was being severely punished for it under the tread of his shoe, but his fury was cut off since in his furore his breath was so abated behind lips clamped on the new gasper to prevent it falling out of his mouth, that the fumes backed up into his gullet and caused him to explode in a paroxysm of coughing which sent the cigarette shooting from his mouth like a dart from a blowpipe which doubly enraged him and saw him unwittingly jack-knife his body as his leg continued to try and obliterate every last trace of the first stub, while his outstretched arm strived to salvage his newer coffin nail so that the differing pulls toppled him over on to the pavement and knocked the wind out of him as he lay there on his stomach panting and wheezing his wordless rage even as the tears of frustration and desperate craving unleashed themselves from their ducts like a crack parachute division exiting their jump plane.
“You wanna give those up, they’ll kill you” said a man approaching him on the pavement. “Looks like you’re out of puff” as he tossed him a little bag of powder. "That'll put the wind back in your sails".

9 comments:

Icy Sedgwick said...

I'm glad I didn't try to read that out loud or I would have been breathless indeed! Clever concept.

Donald Conrad said...

Wow!
Now that's a gasper!

Deanna Schrayer said...

This is absolutely outstanding Marc! I felt myself becoming more and more breathless as the pace kept going up and up and up, and that last bit is the perfect top-off. Bravo!

Steve Green said...

Heheh! Time to take on a new addiction maybe, or perhaps an anger management course. :)

Kevlin Henney said...

I love a well-turned (almost) single-sentence story, especially one as self-referential as this.

Sonia Lal said...

Damn Marc. I don't think the powder will be any better for him than the cig.

Also, an excellent long single sentence! I became breathless trying to read it.

Stephen said...

The best thing to do is read, read, read, and hope you don't have to go back over any line a second time; otherwise, you will be breathless. I thought the ending was perfect. That vice will kill, but try this one because it won't be as bad. Isn't that the way addicts think? And I agree with Steve: maybe this guy needs a little time to relax, to let it go.

Casey said...

I am quietly smug that I read the title and guessed how it related to the writing before reading. Certainly illustrates how punctuation (or the lack of) can make all the difference to the pacing of a bit of writing. Clever :).

Katherine Hajer said...

Ugh, this captures "smoker's attitude" perfectly, and I love the coda at the end!